Mother's Day Stories -- 4




Feminist Mothers at Home

BEING A MOTHER AT HOME:
MY FEMINIST CHOICE


by Ann Allen

I am a feminist mother at home. No, it is not an oxymoron. It is a way of life that is as natural as breathing. It is a reflex. A part of me that I won't turn off. It sustains me.

I believe that feminism is a state of mind. A feminist believes that women are people and should be treated equally. A feminist may work outside the home or choose to stay at home and raise the children. A feminist can come in any color, race or creed. A feminist can be female or male (yes, men can be feminists).

You probably know someone that cringes at the word "feminist." They associate it with the fringe element. Man-hating, bra- burning, radical left wing wackos. Although I understand this thinking, I disagree with it. The more people see "just plain folks" calling themselves feminists the less fear the word will evoke.

I haven't always considered myself a feminist, but when I heard the words "it's a girl!" I became a feminist in earnest. Like all mothers, I wanted my girl to know a perfect world. A world that didn't exist when I was growing up. Ideally, a world where she wouldn't be judged on gender. I wanted to be an advocate for change.

Nearly 8 years ago, before the birth of my first daughter, I was a paid "working woman." I still work - damn hard. I just don't get paid for it. Back then, I remember thinking, "If I am going to leave this baby in someone else's care I had better LOVE the place where I am going." Well, guess what - I didn't love it that much. I expected to stay at home for six months at the most. Here I am nearly 8 years later and I do not regret a minute of this life choice.

I feel fortunate that I have been in a situation that has allowed me to make the choice to stay at home with my children. I want to be my child's primary influence. I want to teach her that all people deserve a chance in life. I want to be there to point out and discuss the injustices in our society so that she has a better opportunity to form fair-minded opinions. I want her to proudly call herself a feminist and have the strength, knowledge and perserverance to hold fast to her convictions.

I have been asked how I can consider myself a feminist because I have chosen this "June Cleaver" lifestyle. I have wondered if my girls would view me as weak or subservient because I am not on the corporate fast track. Then I realize that what my girls want is me. They want my time and attention. They want spontaneous hugs and unconditional understanding. Ours is not a "Leave it to Beaver" household. Yes, I stay at home and am the primary caretaker. Yes, my husband goes out to the office each day for a wage. However, our lifestyle is more of a team approach. We are not Ward and June Cleaver. Our children benefit from seeing us work cooperatively and do non-traditional jobs. This serves to contradict some of the societal stereotypes that bombard them daily.

I am proud to be a feminist. I am proud doing my best to raise my children in a not-so-perfect world. I am proud to be a feminist, working mother at home.

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