Fiendishly Funny Stuff




submitted by Joyce

Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster?

A: In the mirror.


Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?

A: At a blood bank.


Q: Where did they put Dracula when he was arrested?

A: In a red bloodcell!


Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

A: Dayscare centers.


Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?

A: To the dead sea.


Q: Where do you take a ghost who's backed into a lawn mower?

A: To a liquor store. That's where they retail spirits.


Q: Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals?

A: At the blood bank.


Q: Where does Dracula water ski?

A: On Lake Eerie.


Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?

A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."


Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?

A: His ghoul friend.


Q: Who has a broom and flies?

A: A jelly-covered janitor.


Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?

A: No body.


Q: Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?

A: Because if they were small and round and smooth,
they'd be M&M's.

Thanks, Joyce!

a couple of jokes from Larry...

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?



What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


Thanks, Larry!

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.

"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."


What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer.


What's a MUMMY's favorite music?

wRAP Music!


Where do ghosts mail their letters?

At the ghost office.


What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghoster.

What do you get when you cross Sleeping Beauty and Dracula?

Iron poor blood.


What's a ghost's favorite fruit?



Why did the ghost cross the road?

To get to "THE OTHER SIDE."


How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!


What is a witch's favorite subject in school?



Knock knock!

Who's there?

Boo! Boo Who?

Ah, don't cry, Halloween is just around the corner!

How do you make a witch stew?

Keep her waiting for hours.


When does a skeleton laugh?

When something tickles his funny bone.


What tops off a ghost's sundae?

Whipped Scream.


What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can't see anything?

A witch with her eyes closed.


Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?

It had no body to dance with.

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?

Because he's always a goblin.


What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?

He's mist.


Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?

At the ghastly station.


What sailors like to be chilled to the bone?

A skeleton crew.


What does a sorceress wear?

A bewitching outfit.


Why was the mummy so tense?

He was all wound up.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Wanda. Wanda who?

Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?


What's black, white, orange, and waddles?

A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.


Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?

In the casketeria.


Why did the black cat cross the road?

To catch up with the chicken.


Where did the goblin throw the football?

Over the ghoul line.

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?

Toasty ghosty.


What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?

Vampire campfire.


What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?

Hoblin Goblin.


Why does a witch ride on a broom?

Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.


What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?

A Sand-witch.


How did skeletons send their letters in the old days?

By bony express!

Why aren't Vampires popular?

Because they are a pain in the neck.


Why couldn't the mummy come outside?

Because he was all wrapped up!


What do you say to a two-headed monster?



How do you make a witch scratch?

Take away the "w."


What is the best way to call Dracula?

Long Distance.

Where does a vampire keep his money?

In a bloodbank.


What color are ghosts?



What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?

Boo boo's!


What do you get when you cross a ghost with a hen?

A see-through bird that says "Peek-a-boo!"

Go back to the Halloween page.