REAL EPITAPHS

Thanks to Bill Baty, Sr.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia

 Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102

The Good Die Young

In a London, England cemetery

Ann Mann

Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread

 And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery

 Here lies Johnny Yeast

Pardon me For not rising.

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery

Here lays Butch, We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw.

 A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery

Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803.

His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

 A lawyer's epitaph in England

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont

I was somebody.

Who, is no business Of yours.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

In a Georgia cemetery

"I told you I was sick!"

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery

 Reader if cash thou art in want of any

 Dig 4 feet deep And thou wilt find a Penny

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia

She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England

On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune

 Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie

Here lies the body of our Anna done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England

Gone away Owin' more Than he could pay

Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood

In Memory of Beza Wood

Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs.

Here lies one Wood Enclosed in wood

One Wood Within another.

The outer wood Is very good:

We cannot praise The other.

 On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts

Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod:

Pease shelled out and went to God

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip

Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R. E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York

Born 1903--Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.

It was

Anonymous Lemmington, England 

 Here lies a miser who lived for himself,

 who cared for nothing but gathering wealth.

 Now where he is and how he fares;

 nobody knows and nobody cares

Peter Daniels Edinburgh, Scotland 

 Beneath this stone a lump of clay Lies Uncle Peter Dan'els 

Who early in the month of May Took off his winter flannels