That Subject! - Kathleen Lloyd
Subject: That Subject!
From: Kathleen Lloyd
Date: August 20, 1998

I signed on this list a couple of weeks ago.  I have not posted my
genealogy concerns to the list, waiting instead to determine the style,
content and rules for posting.  Unfortunately, this thread began shortly
after I joined and has gone on and on.  

Until today, I did not post publicly on this subject.  I hoped it would run
its course quickly and come to an end.  It didn't.

Isn't this just a lot of the problem with this country?  Too many people
don't
>want to assume responsibility...too busy.

I mean no disrespect, but I don't see the connection.  I haven't seen any
evidence of anyone failing to assume responsibility to provide their
services.  I haven't seen anyone who ducked responsibility for their
actions either.

But when someone does DONATE his
>time--and a lot of it---to run a list like this, people want to criticize him
>and tell him how to run it.

Yes, there has been criticism and many words written in anger; not all of
this was directed at the list owner, however.  My knowledge of netiquette
is based on guidelines from several sites on the web.  The first and most
important guideline is to remember the written word is easily
misinterpreted.  Without the facial expressions or the intonation of the
voice, an innocent attempt at humor may come across as sarcasm.  An opinion
written to shed light on a subject may be misinterpreted as a personal
attack.  What began innocently can escalate into a war of words.

I appreciate the volunteer efforts of every list owner.  It is a difficult
job at best of times and an overwhelming task when things don't go
smoothly.  The list owner has full control of the list.  I accept that and
appreciate the time and effort a list owner devotes to the list.  I've left
lists because the owner refused to monitor the posts even when the posts
had deteriorated to name calling and obscene language.  This is certainly
not the case here.  The list owner takes an active interest in the list and
monitors it diligently.

While I would not presume to tell a list owner how to run their list, which
rules to enforce, or the like, I have -- on other lists, not this one --
written a list owner asking for help and intervention when posts became
angry or heated.  I have written list owners and lists, to offer
suggestions for diffusing a volatile situation.

Returning anger with anger only makes matters worse.  Posting "I agree,
you're right, she's wrong, you're wrong, she's right," or the like takes up
a lot of bandwidth and accomplishes nothing.

This went on too long, became far too personal and polarized the group.  I
just wanted to get involved with others using the Internet as a tool in
their research.  I still want to find others researching the family names I
am researching -- and thus far, I seem to be the only one researching these
names in SC!  I don't want to be bogged down with all these problems.

There are a LOT of rules for this list.  I apologize for breaking any of
them with this post.  I've read the rules and honestly, I find it difficult
to determine what is off topic.  Information on Internet sites, service
providers, new lists, names -   I really don't know which are acceptable
and which are not.

Until the recent post from Steve, I wasn't aware of a set of consequences
for inappropriate posts!  Again, I am quick to say, the list owner has full
control over the list.  The rules are subject to change and may or may not
apply to the list owner.

I respect the list owner's right to make and enforce rules .  I am not
comfortable, however, with rules I don't fully understand.  Determining
what is off-topic is a case in point.  I'm uncomfortable with the feeling
that my posts may violate a rule and result in a reprimand or other
disciplinary action.  Actually, I am uncomfortable with the thought of
disciplinary action looming over my head!

A list is only as good, as strong and as helpful as the people who
subscribe make it.  The list owner hopefully monitors the list and keeps
things running smoothly as unobtrusively as possible.  Judging by the
messages, people are unsubbing.  One could say it's their loss and pass it
off, but I think it is more than that.  I think it is everyone's loss.  I
want to be part of a caring, supportive network of people who are doing
what I am doing:  tracing family roots.  When we lose people, we lose
resources.  We need each other.  

My apologies if I added fuel to the flames.  That isn't my intention at
all.  I really just want to learn more about genealogy in general and the
names I'm researching... and I want to meet other people through this list
who share my interests and love of history.  Please don't flame me!  This
isn't a flame.  It's a heartfelt post.  I suffer from Panic Disorder,
Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Agoraphobia -- I can't
handle flames!  I can't even handle them when they are directed at others,
never mind aiming them at me!  I do hope this will be a safe list where I
can learn and freely exchange information.

Thank you for taking time to read my ramblings.
Kathleen Lloyd


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